


100 Preacher Drabbles

by cookie_full_of_arsenic



Category: Preacher (TV)
Genre: Aro-spec characters, Cassidy's long and colourful past, Getting Together, Minor characters get some attention, Multi, OT3, Pining, Polyamory, Slow Burn, ace-spec characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2020-07-27 06:47:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 100
Words: 9,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20041657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookie_full_of_arsenic/pseuds/cookie_full_of_arsenic
Summary: I hope you enjoy this collection of teeny, tiny Preacher fics. Each one will be exactly 100 words. There will definitely be some OT3 goodness, but everything else is up for grabs. Prompts are welcome!





	1. Memory

Cassidy’s earliest memory was of being in bed with his brother, when he was just a wee scrap of a child. It can’t have been late at night, because Ma and Da hadn’t come to bed yet. It was warm enough underneath the quilt, but the air in the room was chilly.

“My nose is cold”, he grumbled.

“Hush,” said Billy, and wrapped an arm around his younger brother, covering his nose with a small, warm hand.

As an adult, Cassidy wondered if his aversion to sleeping alone came from having done so little of it during his formative years.


	2. Insomnia

Jesse was a lifelong insomniac. He figured Cassidy must be one too, since the guy was up all hours of the night. It made sense, really, for them to make the most of each other’s company while the rest of the world slept.

They drank, and talked, and watched movies or late-night TV. Then Jesse’s living-room TV broke, and Jesse was sufficiently liquored-up to suggest watching the one in the bedroom. That was how they ended up falling asleep together.

They woke at dawn, and Jesse was too hungover to be embarrassed. Cassidy gave him a disoriented smile, and stretched.


	3. Hot Water

Unlimited hot water was something that Tulip had never experienced before. Viktor’s bathtub (not his only one, of course, but the one she was currently using) was enormous. Deep enough to float in, if she ran the water for long enough.

She took her sweet time, shaving her legs carefully and washing her hair, then just lying there until her fingertips wrinkled. She loved these baths, but she didn’t love what came after them. She was already getting sick of pretending. All that performative moaning and groaning. Maybe, if she closed her eyes, everything but the warm water would disappear.


	4. Pennies and Magnets

Jesse was a little shaken by Tulip’s reappearance in Annville. He couldn’t exactly look at her and feel nothing – she was as beautiful as ever and hell, he wasn’t made of stone. But whatever he felt, he wasn’t surprised. _A bad penny always turns up_, he thought, in his father’s voice.

Still, he’d gone looking for her, way back when they were teenagers. No matter how long they were separated for, they always found their way back to each other. So maybe it was less like bad pennies, and more like magnets. Drawn together, across the miles that divided them.


	5. The Body Electric

“Human bodies are disgusting,” Fiore announced, as he returned from the diner’s bathroom.

Cassidy snickered. “No argument there. Still, they have their advantages.”

“Like what?”

“Well, you can enjoy stuff with them. Food, for example.” He shoved another bite of hamburger into his mouth and chewed it by way of demonstration. “And you can be expressive with them.”

“Expressive?”

“Sure. I mean…” Cassidy gestured at DeBlanc, who was staring at the jukebox in confusion. “Your fella, over there. You love him, right?”

“Of course.”

“You ever feel like expressing that?”

Fiore looked completely blank.

“Never mind. Forget I said anything.”


	6. DeBlanc and Fiore Have a Go at Kissing

“DeBlanc, can I try something?”

“Try what?”

Fiore couldn’t explain it, so he stepped towards DeBlanc and pressed their lips together, just briefly.

“Oh, that. Okay then. Tilt your head sideways, it’ll be easier.”

It felt strange. It was like eating something very greasy, which then came to life in his mouth and wriggled about.

“I don’t think I like it,” Fiore finally admitted.

“No, me neither.” DeBlanc agreed.

Fiore must have looked pretty upset, because DeBlanc cupped his face with a small, warm hand and murmured “It’s all right, my dear.” And, just like that, it was all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two are my queerplatonic babies. <3


	7. Girl-Crush

Ever since the incident with the broken art project, Emily had been thinking about Tulip O’Hare a lot. She kept having dumb little fantasies about the two of them just packing up and leaving town. Getting wasted in dive bars and eating cherry pie in roadside diners. Sharing a motel room and gossiping late into the night.

It wasn’t the first time she’d had these fantasies about a woman. They weren’t sexual, but Emily still had the feeling that Jesus wouldn’t approve. Because they were about sharing someone else’s life, and Emily was supposed to be happy with her own.


	8. Carlos

Carlos didn’t even know what he was so fucking jealous of. It wasn’t as if he wanted to screw Tulip. Well, he did, obviously, but only in the way he wanted to fuck pretty much every woman under the age of forty.

It didn’t bother him much when they kissed, or did all that staring into each other’s eyes bullshit. It was the way they _laughed_. Setting each other off like a pair of kids. Like all their dumbass private jokes were the funniest fucking things in the world. And somehow, it always seemed like they were laughing at him.


	9. Brazen

Who the hell wore sunglasses in church? An asshole worse sunglasses inside, but sunglasses in church was a whole other level of wrong.

Tulip, of course, didn’t give a fuck. Sat there with her feet up on the pew in front of her, asking for trouble.

Then there was Cassidy, who Jesse still hadn’t figured out. He suspected the guy wouldn’t be able to act respectable if someone paid him a million dollars for it.

They stuck out like two sore thumbs in the sea of upright bodies in their Sunday best. Jesse couldn’t take his eyes off either one.


	10. Mates

They were going to be mates, that much was obvious. Getting locked up together had a way of bonding people, and then Cassidy had kept an eye on Jesse for three days while the poor sod was sick and unconscious. But there was never any question of them being…

Cassidy didn’t like the phrase “more than friends”. Some of the biggest loves of his life had been platonic. And when people said “more than friends”, what they were usually talking about was shagging.

Yep, that was out of the question with Padre. Not that Cassidy would say no, if asked.


	11. Drunk

They were making a habit of getting drunk in the church. Jesse was a good drinker, but Cassidy was probably the world’s best, and Jesse just couldn’t compete. Cassidy, like the gentleman he was, would escort Jesse back to his house in the small hours, if he was unsteady on his feet.

On one occasion, he was so drunk that Cassidy literally had to put him to bed. He tucked him up like a child (on his side, of course, in case he threw up) and stayed with him a moment, just looking at him. Wanting to kiss him goodnight.


	12. Vampire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Tulip and Cassidy's disastrous first meeting in Season 1.

So Tulip had a genuine, bone fide vampire sleeping in the spare room of her uncle’s house. Okay. No big deal.

She made herself a cup of tea, sipped it slowly, and stared at him. He looked just like a regular guy, and she’d seen more of him than she cared to while she was bundling him into the car and taking him to the hospital.

If he was a vampire, then he surely could have fixed his neck wound by biting someone. But instead, he drank those little pouches of stored blood. What kind of candy-ass monster was he?


	13. Fights

During his early years, Cassidy had learnt how to make friends and he had learnt how to fight. Making friends was the one that came most naturally to him. He was a good talker, and he liked entertaining the other lads by telling them stories and teaching them dirty songs.

Fighting was something he learnt out of necessity. His family were mixed, with a Catholic father and Protestant mother, and weren’t regular church-goers, which left them vulnerable to gossip. People said unacceptable things about his ma. His da scolded him for fighting, of course, but never whipped him for it.


	14. Offer

“So what do we do now? D’you fancy a shag, or d’you just wanna hold hands or something?”

Jesse laughed, which was what Cassidy had intended, of course. He wouldn’t have made that kind of joke if he didn’t look like a slice of burnt toast.

He’d got himself into all kinds of trouble, joking about sex. And while he suspected that Jesse was neither a well-behaved, abstinent preacher, nor a homophobe, he still felt the need to be careful. Sometimes he sensed that Jesse wasn’t quite at peace with himself, and Cassidy didn’t want to complicate things any further.


	15. The Pillow Trick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From Season 2, Episode 1.

Jesus, they were still going at it. Cassidy knew he shouldn’t begrudge them their alone time, but this was getting beyond a joke. It was the headboard that pissed him off, banging against the wall with every thrust (which Cassidy could visualise all too clearly). Did they not know to put a pillow behind it? Really, it was common courtesy and it only took a second. Cassidy was tempted to march in there with his own pillow, shove it behind the headboard, and … there, his brain faltered. Because, try as he might, he couldn’t picture himself marching out again.


	16. Constant

Fiore had Feelings, sometimes. He would look at someone, and imaginary music would swell inside his mind. He would have dramatic fantasies that usually involved rescuing them from danger, or them rescuing him.

These phases didn’t happen often, or last long. Sometimes they brightened his days with excitement, and sometimes they made him morose with ill-defined longing. However it affected him, DeBlanc would talk him through it – not understanding, since he didn’t experience those feelings himself, but kind and patient regardless.

Fiore’s love for DeBlanc was the quiet, deep kind. He didn’t think about it. It was just always there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am stubbornly pretending these two aren't dead.


	17. The Family Failing

Ma called it “the family failing”. There was her aunt Margaret, who fell in love with a lord-of-the-manor type and got knocked up by him. Then there were the twins, Joseph and Bill, who fell for the same woman and fought over her for two years. Then there was Cassidy’s great uncle John, who was rumoured to have run away with a nun.

Cassidy had the same problem, even after all these years. When he fell in love, he fell quick and hard and usually with the wrong person.

He looked at Tulip and felt weak in every possible way.


	18. Songbird

Tulip sang, sometimes, when she thought no-one was listening. James Taylor and Joni Mitchell and half-remembered tunes from childhood.

She often sang in the car, especially when it was late at night and she was tired. That happened, once, as the three of them made their way to New Orleans.

“You’re in my blood like holy wine, you taste so bitter and so sweet…”

Jesse caught Cassidy’s eye in the rear-view mirror. And seriously, he should have known right then, from the look on the man’s face. But instead, he just smiled at him, like they were sharing something good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song lyrics are from "A Case of You" by Joni Mitchell.


	19. Poker

Tulip was kicking Cassidy’s ass at poker. She didn’t even have to cheat. The guy had no poker face at all – every card in his hand showed right on his face. She thought of suggesting a game of strip poker. He’d be down to his tighty-whiteys in no time, while she’d probably not have to remove anything but her socks.

Cards were a good distraction from all the other stuff that showed on Cassidy’s face. The way he felt about her. That puppy-dog look of longing. It made her chest ache. And surely Jesse would notice it, sooner or later.


	20. Tulip O’Hare’s Guide to Getting Over Jesse Custer

When Jesse left, the first thing Tulip did was trash their bedroom. Then she cried more than she had cried in her whole life. She gained five pounds from too much comfort food, then lost them by getting obsessed with kickboxing lessons. She thought about fucking the instructor, but the thought turned her stomach.

Then Dani introduced her to Viktor. Maybe it was the expensive dinner dates, or the jewelry. Maybe it was the smitten way he looked at her, or the simple kindness. Either way, she decided that now was the time to focus on getting what she wanted.


	21. Jesse Custer’s Guide to Getting Over Tulip O’Hare

When Jesse left, he took the miniature golf club with him. He figured that every time he missed Tulip, he could look at that club and remember her swinging it at him in a rage.

Turns out, he missed her rage. He missed her craziness and her cynicism and all the parts of her he wasn’t supposed to miss.

He threw himself into preaching at his Daddy’s church, and did a mostly shitty job.

He drove a respectable distance from Annville to have one night stands.

He drank. He switched from beer to whisky because it numbed him more effectively.


	22. Celtic Sandman

The nightmares weren’t getting any better, so Tulip decided to take Cassidy’s advice and mix herself a Celtic Sandman. Minus the rat poison, obviously. She wasn’t sure how much a “dram” was, but she mixed whisky and honey and knocked it back. It tasted like a garden on fire.

She was suddenly aware of wanting to taste Cassidy. The smoke on his breath and the salt on his skin. Damn, she was hot for him. And that was a problem. Because of the way she was made, she only had those kinds of feeling when she was already in deep.


	23. Towel

Cassidy told himself to grow up. They were roommates now, which meant that stuff like this was inevitable. There was no call for getting flustered just because he saw Tulip fresh from the shower, wrapped in a fluffy towel.

When they’d hooked up, he’d _touched _plenty, but _seen _very little. It was quick, and from behind, and it had been dark. He’d had a tantalizing glimpse of bare arse, and nothing more.

Maybe that was the problem. His hands had felt everything, his eyes had seen basically nothing, and his fertile imagination was trying to bridge the gap between them.


	24. Watching

Featherstone kept up a running commentary as she watched the three of them on the webcam.

“How long have those dishes been there? Seriously, frat boys could keep house better than this.”

“That’s gonna boil over any second now … I told you.”

“You’re gonna do _that _in the living room? Classy.”

“Keys are on the counter, dummy.”

“The vampire’s so in love with the woman, it’s pathetic.”

Hoover watched her staring intently at the monitor, while the sunshine poured in through the window and made her dark hair shine. He felt more than a little sorry for the vampire.


	25. Aches and Pains

Denis was accustomed to pain. He used to wake up with stiff, aching limbs that wouldn’t function properly for half the morning. Then there was the arthritis in his hands and the awful, crushing pressure in his chest. Even his stomach failed him, giving over to frequent bouts of nausea.

Now, all of that was gone. His limbs moved freely, and his hands were as flexible as a young man’s. He could fill his lungs without the slightest twinge of discomfort and eat whatever he wanted without suffering the consequences.

Unfortunately, there was only one thing he wanted to eat.


	26. Joni

People were always surprised to find out that Tulip was a Joni Mitchell fan. As if that kind of music was reserved for hippy dippy girls who wrote poetry and kept a dream journal.

She said that she liked Joni Mitchell because the woman was smart as hell. When every song on the radio was some variation of “I love you and I’m sad about it” or “Ooh baby, shake that ass”, Joni’s complicated lyrics were refreshing.

In reality, though, she liked Joni’s music because it helped her feel things. And yeah, feelings could be dangerous. But Tulip liked danger.


	27. Big Stuff

Tulip was smart, but she wasn’t the philosophical type, and she could admit that some things were just too big for her brain to process. One of those was the fact that Cassidy had killed his son to protect her. And all the women in Bimini, and possibly his own soul, but mostly her.

It made no sense. Cassidy was the softest of the three of them – the one who cried at the end of Lord of the Rings, for fuck’s sake. How could a man like that be willing to kill his son for Tulip? It kinda scared her.


	28. I Love You

Even with a bullet in his chest, Cassidy could still make Tulip laugh. She looked down at him, in the stupid umbrella hat, and told him that she loved him. She offered the words as a simple fact. Not as a promise (she couldn’t promise him anything, because of Jesse) and not as a request for him to do anything, or for anything to change. But she loved him, and she wanted him to know, and for a moment she thought that might be enough. Then she saw the look on his face, and remembered that it was never enough.


	29. Alias Jenny

Tulip had plenty of reasons to hate Featherstone – the main one being that the bitch had shot and killed her. She was also a spy and a zealot. She was snobby and spiteful and had stupid hair. But Tulip didn’t really hate her for any of those reasons.

She hated Featherstone for hanging out and playing video games with her. She hated her for cleaning up the eggs when she’d been foggy and weepy with post-traumatic-watchamacallit. She hated her for making her feel understood and valued. She hated her for not being Jenny. She would never forgive her for that.


	30. Bimini

Cassidy fell asleep on the bus out of Angelville, and dreamt of Bimini. He dreamt of sunlight glinting off turquoise water and pale sand. He dreamt of palm trees and luminous cocktails.

He dreamt of Tulip – her skin darkening in the sun. The feel of her body, almost weightless in the water. Rubbing sunscreen onto the smooth skin of her back.

That was when he knew it was a dream. Because if he were out in the sun, he’d be dead. He woke up, and decided to invest in some powerful tranquilisers as soon as he got off the bus.


	31. Stitches

Jesse dreamt of Cassidy, soon after they parted ways. He dreamt that Cassidy was in a dozen messy pieces, and he was stitching them back together.

As he sewed, he could feel himself becoming smarter, stronger, kinder. Someone who could fix a broken thing instead of breaking it further. He sewed quickly. There was love in every stitch.

Once Cassidy’s arm was re-attached, he started to stroke Jesse’s hair, then to tug at it. Gently at first, then much less gently. There was pain, and other feelings. Then Cassidy pressed his mouth to Jesse’s ear and hissed the word

Monster.


	32. Eccarius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the night in the coffin ;)

Afterwards, Cassidy snuggled up against him, wanting to be held and kissed and all that soppy bollocks.

“Jesus, I’d forgotten how good it could be.”

“You mean with a man?”

That wasn’t what he meant. He meant with someone who wasn’t a hooker or a one-night-stand. Someone who kissed him like they meant it and touched him like they had all the time in the world. Like he was worth a little tenderness.

But he still had a shred of self-preservation left, so he wasn’t about to explain all that. He made a non-committal noise and bit Eccarius’ earlobe playfully.


	33. Lost

Angelville was, to Jesse, the most familiar place on earth. Sure, he hated it, but that didn’t change the fact that he knew every godforsaken corner of it, from his bedroom to the tombs, like it was his own body.

And yet, after Tulip left for Osaka, he looked around him in a daze, recognizing nothing. Tulip in Japan. Cassidy in New Orleans. Without them around, the strangeness of Angelville crept up on him, threatening to overwhelm and suffocate him.

He’d heard some say that people, rather than places, could be home. He’d always thought it was bullshit, until now.


	34. Drinking and Talking

Cassidy flopped down next to Jesse and passed him the whisky bottle. “Forgive me Padre, for I have sinned, it’s been a very, very long time since my last confession.”

“You know I’m not Catholic, right?”

“You’ll do.”

“All right then. You wanna tell me what you been up to since Angelville?”

They talked. They talked about everything. They used up all the whisky.

“I’m real sorry your boyfriend turned out to be a serial killer,” said Jesse, words slurring a little.

“I’m sorry your granny was such an evil cunt that you had to kill her.”

They hugged. Fiercely.


	35. Honesty

“So, you like guys as well as girls?” Jesse asked, between two mouthfuls of French fries.

“Occasionally,” said Cassidy.

“How come you never said anything?”

Cassidy shrugged. “History.”

Jesse winced. Cassidy could talk a hell of a lot without saying anything at all, but sometimes he managed to cram everything into just one or two words.

“Cass, you know I’m okay with it, right? And you know you can tell me stuff, if you want to. You don’t have to hide anything.”

“Good. Neither do you.”

Jesse didn’t know what he meant by that, or why his heartbeat sped up.


	36. Labels

“So, you’re…”

“Bisexual.”

“But, like, what _percentage _of girls and guys?”

“Doesn’t matter love, bi is bi.”

Tulip held her hands up in a vaguely apologetic gesture and Cassidy huffed indulgently.

“I notice girls more often, all right? But then there are some blokes you just can’t help noticing, y’know? A sexy fella will do for me just as well as a sexy lass.”

Tulip shrugged. “I don’t really notice people in that way. I gotta get to know them, like really well. Then there’s a chance…”

“Oh. Sounds like you’re one of those demisexuals.”

“What the heck is that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll just try to represent two frequently misunderstood orientations in the space of 100 words, what could possibly go wrong? :)


	37. Curiosity

The God-hunt had taken them to yet another New Orleans dive bar, and Cassidy was supposed to be asking people for information. Not making out with some sandy-haired chunk of cornbread.

Jesse marched over to his friend and scared off the guy in his lap. It didn’t take more than a scowl.

“Thanks a bunch,” Cassidy grumbled. “He was a nice, Midwestern boy too. Do you have any idea what nice, Midwestern boys are like in bed?”

“No.”

“Neither do I, but I was hoping to find out.”

Late that night, Jesse found himself wondering if sexual curiosity was contagious.


	38. Insecure

Jesse was twenty-three, maybe twenty-four, when a man hit on him for the first time.

Jesse was watching him at the pool table without really realising it. Watching his tee-shirt ride up and expose a thin strip of pale, toned stomach.

“Like what you see, baby?”

The man approached. Jesse sipped his beer and averted his eyes.

“C’mon now, don’t be shy.”

“I don’t swing that way,” Jesse snapped, getting irritated.

“Honey, the way you’re sucking on that beer says otherwise.”

Jesse told the guy to fuck off. He muttered something as he left, and Jesse caught the word “insecure”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by that bit in the comics where Jesse tells Cassidy that a guy hit on him, then called him insecure when he turned him down. Cassidy gets all worried that Jesse might have beaten the guy up, then gets embarrassed about getting worried. It's a very telling moment.


	39. Whispers in the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because these three are a mess of sexual confusion right now, and because this fic needs to start earning its M rating.

“Cass…”

Tulip was fast asleep, and Jesse had been well on the way himself. But hearing _that _woke him right up.

Jesse watched Tulip’s hips shift under the covers. Through the adrenaline fogging his brain, he could only think of one thing to do.

He woke her up and kissed her. She was startled for a moment, then moaned into his mouth. He swung a leg over her and slid a hand down her panties. She was already wet.

He wasn’t sure if he was trying to fuck the dream out of her mind, or fuck his way inside it.


	40. Bar Fight

It had started with some eejit spilling his drink all over Tulip’s favourite shirt, and escalated quickly. Things always escalated quickly. Some men took exception to being yelled at by a woman, even if they deserved it. Some men took exception to Cassidy too, with his girly tee-shirts and sexual ambiguity. And of course Jesse’s dog collar was a magnet for trouble.

Cassidy wasn’t complaining, at first. It was fun, fighting together like that. It felt strangely _right_. But when their opponents scattered, it was just him and Tulip standing there, breathless and giddy. Jesse was on the floor, unconscious.


	41. The Hospital

“You better be all right, you bastard,” Cassidy muttered at Jesse’s unconscious form.

He told himself to calm down. Jesse was badly hurt, but he was young and strong and was going to be okay. Humans weren’t as fragile as they seemed.

If Jesse died, would he and Tulip…

No. Jesse couldn’t die. Cassidy looked at him, and realised that he loved him just as much as he loved Tulip. It was a different kind of love, and maybe a more complicated kind. But there was the same amount of it.

He took Jesse’s limp hand and kissed his fingers.


	42. Return

Jesse always came back to her. Tulip clung to that ferociously.

She was waiting tables in LA when he came back to her the first time. Trying to be an actress because hey, she was hot and good at lying. Surely that was all it took.

“You ready to order?” she asked Table Number 4, which was a dark-haired white boy, staring at the menu like he wanted all of it and couldn’t afford any of it. He looked up at her.

“Tulip?”

“Jesse?”

It should have been awkward. Instead, he stood up and hugged her and she hugged back.


	43. Painkillers

Jesse was in pain, but the pain was very far away and everything was gooooooood. He wasn’t sure if he was still at the hospital or at home, but he didn’t care because Tulip and Cassidy were looking after him.

Cassidy brought him soup, and Jesse had a vision of him in a nurse’s uniform, which was funny, and sexy in a weird way.

He ate the soup. Very good soup. Taaaaaasty. He spilled a lot.

Cassidy was laughing at him, but Jesse wasn’t mad. Cassidy had made him laugh a hundred times and he wanted to return the favor.


	44. Stories

Jesse and Tulip hadn’t exactly lived dull lives, but Cassidy had a habit of one-upping them. For example,

“What’s the weirdest thing you ever done for money?” he asked.

“Running exotic animals over the border,” said Jesse. “Chinchillas, couple tiger cubs, a Komodo dragon.”

“What about you, Tulip?”

“Married a mob boss.” That wasn’t strictly true, since she did it for money and kindness, but Cassidy let it slide. “How ‘bout you, Cass?”

“Well, this Malaysian businessman once paid me a significant amount of money to roll an egg across the floor, back and forth. Fully clothed, mind. Odd fella.”


	45. Strippers

“Tulip’s gonna kill me,” said Jesse.

He sounded unconcerned, as if Tulip killed him on a regular basis. Cassidy handed him another drink, and turned his attention back to the curvaceous young lady gyrating on the stage.

When Tulip found them, she pulled them both out of the club by the ear (very painful), then yelled at them in the parking lot, unleashing a torrent of creative swearing.

She shoved them both into the car, and they were halfway home before it dawned on Cassidy.

“Hey, why do I have to leave? Jesse, sure, but why me?”

Tulip didn’t answer.


	46. A Tulip by Any Other Name

Priscilla Jean didn’t like her name, so she decided to pick a new one.

Around this time, one of her Mama’s clients sent her a bouquet. The flowers were wilted and raggedy, apart from this bold, red, lipsticky thing.

“What’s that one?”

“That’s a tulip,” said Mama.

“Tulip,” said Priscilla Jean, testing the word. “I wanna be called Tulip.”

Mama laughed. “Priscilla Jean, you are no tulip.”

But Tulip was determined to be Tulip, and eventually she was. She was one of those girls who got what she wanted. Not easily, or quickly. But she got it in the end.


	47. Poitin

Cassidy’s homemade poitin was an unexpectedly powerful sedative. All three of them fell asleep on the couch, fuzzy and content.

Cassidy woke at dawn, feeling uncomfortable and overheated. The reason soon became obvious. The three of them had got … tangled, somehow.

Moving slowly, he disentangled himself from Tulip, Jesse and the couch. As he was leaving the room, he heard Jesse make a snuffling noise, then say “Cass? Where you going?”

“Bed,” he whispered.

Once he was safely tucked up in his own bed, he realised he’d misheard. Jesse hadn’t said “Where you going?”. He’d said “Why you going?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you were wondering - poitin is a very strong and truly vile Irish drink.


	48. Missing

“Cass didn’t come home last night,” said Tulip, trying to keep the worry out of her voice.

“He probably went home with someone,” said Jesse, trying to keep the jealousy out of his voice.

“And what if he didn’t? What if he’s passed out in a gutter somewhere? What if he’s stuck in a tiny patch of shade with no umbrella?”

They went looking for him, because it was easier than admitting that they needed to sit down and talk – really talk – about Cassidy. That could wait.

They found him in a country bar, fast asleep on the mechanical bull.


	49. Happy Birthday

It happened on Cassidy’s 121st birthday. Tulip and Jesse had got it into their heads that your 121st was like your 21st, and you were supposed to have a big, boozy party or something. Well, why not?

They went out to a restaurant, then a bar, and then another bar. They stumbled home in the small hours, arms around each other indiscriminately. Alcohol didn’t have much effect on Cassidy unless he drank heroic quantities of it, but he felt drunk anyway. Drunk on the closeness of them. Their laughter. Their affection. For the first time in ages, he felt young.


	50. For Real

The minute they got through the door, Tulip kissed him. Her lips were soft as rose petals, and her beard was scratchy. No, wait, Tulip didn’t have a beard. Jesus, they were both kissing him!

Cassidy pulled away, gasping. “Is this for real?”

“If you want it to be,” said Tulip. The mischief in her voice didn’t match the look in her eyes.

Cassidy almost wanted it to be pretend. Just some harmless, drunken shenanigans. Then Jesse kissed his neck hungrily and Cassidy wanted everything, anything he could get. He snapped back into himself and took them both to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These three have officially made it halfway through the fic without fucking, so I think I've earned that "slow burn" tag.


	51. A Dream

It was something he’d fantasised about so many times, so maybe it should have felt surreal when it finally happened. It didn’t. Every moment felt as real as anything could possibly feel. The clumsiness of it. The way Jesse didn’t quite know what to do with his hands – greedy with long-suppressed desire and wanting to touch everything at once. The way Tulip, bless her, got over-excited and came almost as soon as he was inside her.

If anything felt surreal, it was the morning after. When he woke up between them and kissed them sleepily and they kissed him back.


	52. Hares and Rabbits

“God, you’re beautiful,” Cassidy murmured, relishing the freedom of finally being able to say it.

“I know,” said Tulip, never one for false modesty.

“Well, that’s to be expected. You’re part black and part Irish. Those are the best genes you can get.”

“Part Irish? How d’you figure that?”

“Your surname.”

Tulip scoffed. “My great granddaddy probably won this name in a crooked card game. The O’Hares don’t have anything that ain’t stolen.”

“Stolen Irishness is as good as any other kind.” Cassidy kissed her shoulder, and half-sang, “There goes a sweet wee hare, with all the rabbits chasing her.”


	53. Plaything

There was something sweet, and almost innocent about Jesse’s curiosity. He seemed fascinated with the shapes and textures of another man’s body under his hands. He wanted to run his palms over the hairs on Cassidy’s thighs, and feel the muscles in his chest and belly, and even (Jesus wept) play with his foreskin like it was a fun new toy.

Cassidy had no objections to this kind of treatment. The only problem was that Jesse didn’t seem to realise just how good his inquisitive hands felt on Cassidy’s skin, until Cassidy was writhing like a landed fish underneath him.


	54. Show Me

Cassidy’s fingers were doing all sorts of good things to Tulip. But they weren’t quite managing to do what she wanted them to do.

“Why don’t you show me, hm?” Cassidy purred in her ear.

Tulip’s stomach flipped. She’d done that for Jesse, but that was different. She and Jesse had learnt sex together, so being self-conscious had always been kinda pointless. But Cassidy had probably watched a whole lot of women touch themselves.

“It’s all right, love, I’m not expecting theatrics,” said Cassidy, who had an uncanny habit of reading her mind. “Just do your thing.”

So she did.


	55. Tacos and Cheesecake

When Tulip told her friend Amy about her new situation, the first question she asked was “Who’s better?”

Tulip said that was kinda like asking which is better – tacos or cheesecake. Both delicious, but you can’t compare the two.

Jesse knew Tulip’s body as intimately as she knew it herself. Cassidy was still learning, but he knew all kinds of porn star stuff that made up for the gaps in his knowledge. Jesse had more stamina than Cassidy, but Cassidy had more imagination.

Maybe it wasn’t a perfect metaphor. Tulip couldn’t imagine enjoying tacos and cheesecake at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, I think the second half of this fic is going to be a lot smuttier than the first half.


	56. Career

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring Amy-from-the-comics.

Before Tulip dropped out of high school, she used to spend a lot of lunch breaks smoking under the bleachers with Amy and daydreaming about the future.

“My mom can’t stop getting pregnant,” said Amy. “As soon as one baby’s off to kindergarten, she’s pregnant again. All she does is change diapers and sing Itsy Bitsy Spider. Not me, girl. I’m gonna be a career woman. How ‘bout you?”

Tulip shrugged. “Not sure. Probably not a career woman, though. The same old stuffy office for ten years? Fuck that. I’ll be something fun, like an actress. Or a career criminal.”


	57. Virgins

Between the three of them, they had a hell of a lot of secrets. But some of those secrets (the good ones) were no longer guarded quite so jealously.

Cassidy was sleepy and post-coital when he asked them what their first time had been like. Jesse and Tulip were also sleepy and post-coital, so they told him.

Tulip told him how she’d made Jesse wait. It wasn’t a power play – she was just waiting to want it.

Jesse told him how it happened in the back of a car, and Tulip was on top, and it felt like Christmas morning.


	58. Home

“D’you ever get homesick?” Tulip asked, late one night when Jesse has already fallen asleep but Cassidy was just about hanging on to consciousness.

“Not really.”

Tulip didn’t reply, because “Not really” wasn’t the answer. It was just a thing to say while he figured out the answer.

“Now and then, yeah. Thing is, I’m probably missing something that disappeared years ago. Decades ago, even. But God, it was a beautiful place.”

“Would you ever go back?”

“Oh, I dunno, probably not.”

She waited for the real answer.

“Only if I could convince you two eejits to come with me.”


	59. Lingerie

Jesse had never really seen the appeal of lingerie. He always said Tulip’s naked ass was something that no amount of expensive lace could improve on. Cassidy, however, seemed to appreciate it, and that was the perfect excuse to go shopping.

Tulip’s brain pretty much melted when Cassidy (just as they were getting into it) slid her pretty new panties off, then in one, fluid motion, slid them up his own legs. He laughed devilishly.

“No. Nuh-uh. Take ‘em off.”

A few weeks later, she changed her mind and let him wear them. He did actually look pretty damn good.


	60. Ticklish

Jesse was discovering a lot of new things. One of his more entertaining discoveries was that Cassidy was ticklish. Not everywhere, but in certain places like the sides of his waist and the soles of his feet. When Jesse tickled him, his laughter could wake the dead and his wriggling could cause a small earthquake. It was a lot of fun, but clearly Jesse needed to learn when to stop.

“Is it still bleeding?” Cassidy asked.

“Yes,” said Jesse emphatically, pressing a wet washcloth to his nose.

“I warned you not to go for the feet. You tickle, I kick.”


	61. This! Is! Sparta!

One of Jesse’s more surprising discoveries was that he really liked to get fucked between the thighs. It gave him that toe-curling feeling of being _taken_, without the discomfort of fingers up his ass.

“That’s how Spartan warriors did it,” said Cassidy, slumped against Jesse in the afterglow.

“What?”

“Oh yeah, those fellas were doing each other all the time. But not up the arse, ‘cause they thought it was disrespectful to a fellow warrior.”

Jesse laughed incredulously.

“I wouldn’t mind, though,” Cassidy added, some moments later.

“Wouldn’t mind what?”

“If you wanted to be disrespectful to a fellow warrior.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I have no idea if that's actually true, about Spartan warriors and intercrural sex. The friend who told me what Cassidy tells Jesse knew a lot about ancient Greek culture, but she also watched a lot of gay porn.


	62. Tulip Plays Detective

Having spent a rare night alone, Tulip woke up craving a strong, sweet coffee and strong, sweet arms to nestle into. She took her coffee to Cassidy’s bedroom, knowing she would find Jesse there too.

She saw the condom wrappers on the nightstand and smirked.

“So you two finally went all the way, huh?” she whispered, insinuating herself into the bed behind Jesse, who was spooning a still-sleeping Cassidy. “Twice, from the looks of it.”

Jesse was quiet for a moment, then asked her if she was okay with it.

Tulip, practical as always, said “Better his ass than mine.”


	63. Yoga

Tulip had kind of expected more Indian girls and hippy chicks. Instead, it was mostly glossy-looking blonde women with expensive yoga pants.

“I hope this instructor’s better than my last one,” said a tall, fearsomely toned woman. “I’m so sick of having a weak core.”

“Yeah, those are the worst,” Tulip replied, wondering which muscle was a “core”.

“So what brings you to the class?”

“Oh, I have two boyfriends and we like to do stuff all together in bed, so I’m hoping to get more flexible.”

The woman looked as if she were about to faint. Tulip smiled sweetly.


	64. The Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confession: For about two seconds, while watching season 3, I kinda shipped the Saint of Killers and the Angel of Death.

He’d never seen a woman like her. Women, in his experience, were soft, rounded creatures. They might have work-callused hands or sharp smiles, but all of them possessed a certain yielding quality.

This one had no such thing. Satan had called her the angel of death, but she was the least angelic thing he could imagine. She was nothing but cold fury. It was like looking at a clean-shaven version of himself.

When she lifted the whip, he knew she would wield it without pleasure and without mercy. Screams would make no difference either way. He decided not to scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to watch season 4 until I've finished this fic. It's my way of bribing myself to get it written.


	65. Hangover

Eccarius had certainly left a mark. Cassidy used to find “Interview With A Vampire” mildly amusing, but now he couldn’t watch it without getting a stomach ache. He’d also become weirdly suspicious of black cats, and got nervous whenever he saw one.

So he’d picked up a couple of neuroses. That was probably a normal result of an abusive relationship, and it didn’t bother him. What did bother him was that he seemed to have picked up a new kink.

For all Eccarius’ flaws, he’d been undeniably good in bed. And bed usually meant coffin. So … tight spaces. Yep.


	66. Ally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember Viktor's daughter from season 2?

She cried at her dad’s funeral. It kind of happened automatically. She hadn’t cried since.

He’d always liked the fact that she didn’t cry easily. A tough cookie, he called her.

He liked girls and women to be tough. That was probably why he married Tulip. That, and the fact that she was young and pretty. He hadn’t even been that mad at her when she ran off. Ally was mad as hell.

Patrick was running things now. Ally didn’t like him. When she got old enough to run her dad’s empire, she’d have to fire him. Or kill him.


	67. The Deer

When they hit the deer, Tulip complained about the dent in the Chevelle’s hood. She barely glanced at the carcass as they carried it to the side of the road.

But later, when they stopped for dinner, she ordered a garden burger and said she was going vegetarian.

“Aw, really?” said Jesse. “But you’re such an enthusiastic meat eater.”

She punched him in the chest.

“What are you gonna eat?” said Cassidy. “Salads? _Quiche_?”

She took some fries from Cassidy’s plate and ate them.

Tulip would kill when she had to. She would also save things when she wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the comics, where Tulip is a vegetarian, Jesse sees this as an opportunity to make sex jokes, and Cassidy is deeply suspicious of quiche.


	68. A Difference of Opinion

“Please?”

“No.”

“Please please please?”

“No no no.”

“Why not?”

“’Cause it’s free will, Cass. You can’t take that away from someone while you’re fucking them. Why d’you even _want _me to use the Word?”

“It’s a turn-on. Being out of control, like. Turned me on the first time you ever used it.”

Jesse remembers that dreamy look on Cassidy’s face. He’d assumed the guy was just dazed from jumping face-first into the wall.

“Being made to hop and box and do all kinds of nonsense is a turn-on?”

“What can I say? The dick wants what the dick wants.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cassidy mis-quoting Emily Dickinson there.


	69. Made for This

Jesse couldn’t get over how much it turned him on to watch them together. His particular favorite thing to watch was Tulip doing the dominant stuff she was so good at, while Cassidy played submissive. Turns out he was pretty much made for that, though he always feigned reluctance at first. For example…

“Save me Jesse, she’s gonna eat me alive! You’re not gonna help me? You’re just gonna sit there and touch yourself. Charming.”

“Tulip, I think you should shut him up with the gag.”

“No need, just sit on my face. No, not the gag, I want- mmph!”


	70. Ointment

Jesse took the reins after Tulip had knocked Cassidy’s rough edges off. Jesse liked playing the dom while Cassidy subbed, but he wasn’t good at inflicting pain. Anything heavier than a few smacks on the ass made him squeamish.

He’d hurt Cassidy before. Badly. It had been a desperate, stupid attempt to get him away from Angelville, and Cassidy knew that too. But all the pain Jesse had inflicted hung in the air between them.

Sometimes, Jesse’s favorite part was the aftercare. Rubbing ointment onto Cassidy’s sore wrists and telling him how good, how sexy, how fucking precious he was.


	71. The Misfits Crossover That No-one Asked For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've seen Misfits, this will make perfect sense. If you haven't, this will make zero sense.

“I dreamt about you,” said Tulip, snuggling up to Cassidy in the early hours.

“Yeah?”

“Mm-hm. There were two of you.”

“Were there, now? I hope you had some fun with the two of us.”

“Nope. You were too busy fighting with each other. One Cassidy stabbed the other one with a pair of scissors.”

“Why were we fighting?”

“You were just real different. One of you was kinda… I dunno, kinda sad. Like he was made up of all the parts you don’t show anyone.”

“Poor fella,” said Cassidy, quietly.

“Oh, also I could teleport. That was pretty cool.


	72. Padre

“Why do you call me Padre?” Jesse asked, on a whim. “It’s the only Spanish I’ve ever heard you speak.”

“Well I can’t say it in English,” said Cassidy.

“Why not?”

“D’you really have to ask that, _Father_?”

Oh.

Somehow, that sounded like the dirtiest thing ever.

“Damn, Cass … If you’d called me that when we met, I would’ve…”

“You would’ve done nothing but think about me in the shower and feel guilty.”

Harsh but fair.

Jesse slipped his hands around Cassidy’s waist, then down to his hips. He had a sudden urge to make up for lost time.


	73. Cassidy's Special Recipe Brownies

It wasn’t his fault. Cassidy wrote what they were, very clearly, on a scrap of paper.

POT BROWNIES (STRONG)

DON’T EAT MORE THAN ONE

But Tulip, always clumsy in the mornings, accidentally swiped Cassidy’s helpful sign onto the floor. They looked just like regular brownies. Not the healthiest breakfast, but delicious. They were only small, so she ate three.

Cassidy found Tulip sitting in Jesse’s lap, stroking his hair with a glazed expression, and telling him he was the prettiest pony in the stable.

Jesse glared at Cassidy, and said “Why do I get the feeling this is your fault?”


	74. Out

The first time Jesse kissed him in public, Cassidy just about managed to keep his cool.

It was a chaste little kiss, in Home Depot of all places (they needed an axe, which was a whole other story). So Cassidy kept his cool while they waited in line, and while they paid for the axe, and all the way home. As soon as the front door was closed, he shoved Jesse up against the wall and went down on him rather ferociously.

“What brought that on?” Jesse asked, after he’d very sweetly returned the favour.

“Nothing in particular,” said Cassidy.


	75. Picnic

Tulip had suggested they all go on a date. So here they were, on a picnic of all things, at 11pm.

“It’s getting cold,” said Cassidy, munching on a chocolate chip cookie. “We should’ve brought hot soup. Or done it in the daytime, like normal people.”

“Daytime means you either burn up or huddle under an umbrella,” Jesse pointed out.

“You could’ve done it without me.”

“Nope,” said Tulip, before an awkward silence could develop. “Daytime picnics are overrated anyway.”

“Mm-hm. No stars in the daytime,” said Jesse, lying back on the picnic blanket and dragging Cassidy down beside him.


	76. Our Trio Cause a Motel Receptionist Some Confusion

Obviously, their relationship caused confusion in some quarters. Like that time at the motel.

They drove up late at night and the girl at the reception desk started apologising, saying there was only one room left.

“We’ll manage,” said Jesse.

The girl got flustered, saying that she couldn’t let anyone sleep on the floor because it was against company policy.

Jesse was wondering how to explain this delicately when an older woman came over and handed them a key. As they left the lobby, Jesse overheard her say “Here’s the thing, hon. Sometimes a couple has more than two people.”


	77. Keep Your Two Cents on Your Side of the Fence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from "The Trailer Song" by Kacey Musgraves. It's a fab song and has a very Tulip-ish kind of vibe.

Not everyone was so understanding. Like their nosy neighbor, Patricia, who had lots of opinions about their “living situation” and wasn’t shy about sharing them. It got out that she’d been referring to Tulip with words that a prissy, Southern Living reading bitch like her ought to be ashamed of.

Turns out Patricia had some fight in her. Not as much as Tulip, though, which is why Jesse and Cassidy had to grab her and pull her away before blood was spilled.

“You better be thankful there’s two of them!” Tulip yelled, “Or I’d be breaking your nose right now!”


	78. Dancing

Jesse had never been into dancing, though he’d always been into watching Tulip dance. Now, as it turned out, he was into watching Tulip and Cassidy dance together.

He sat at the bar, drinking and watching them bump and grind. When he caught Cassidy’s eye, he impulsively blew him a kiss. Cassidy pretended to catch it. He raised his fist (containing an imaginary kiss) to his mouth, then kissed Tulip thoroughly. Kissing Jesse’s kiss into her mouth.

Jesse shifted slightly in his seat, and wondered when they’d be done dancing. He needed to get them both home pretty damn quickly.


	79. History

Each one of them had a past, and the past had a habit of catching up to them.

Sometimes that didn’t go so well, like the ugly altercation between Tulip and a woman who Jesse’d had a one night stand with shortly after leaving Dallas.

Other times it went better, like when a guy with a machete turned up at their favorite bar, insisting that Cassidy owed him money. Jesse and Tulip managed to distract him while Cassidy bade a hasty retreat.

None of them minded much. They were in it together, after all. ‘Til the end of the world.


	80. Ink

Tulip had a tattoo. Nothing like Jesse’s serious ink, or Cassidy’s extravagant body art. Just two discreet letters on her right hip.

JC

She’d got it done soon after Jesse got the tulip on his shoulder. When Viktor first noticed it and asked what it stood for, she said they were the initials of the only man she’d ever loved – Jesus Christ. The ache in her chest helped her keep a straight face.

Jesse. Cassidy. Things had a way of working out, sometimes. And if Jesse didn’t mind sharing her with Cassidy, she figured he wouldn’t mind sharing her tattoo.


	81. The Rules of The Word

The Word didn’t work on deaf people, or anyone wearing headphones.

The Word didn’t work on people who didn’t understand English.

The Word worked on dogs, if it was simple commands like “STAY” or “QUIET”.

The Word didn’t work on bugs.

The Word didn’t work on Jesse. He found this out after drinking too much, and ending up slumped on the floor with Cassidy laughing his ass off at him. Jesse managed to straighten his legs out, but that was as far as he could get. He eyeballed his useless legs, summoned The Word, and said “GET UP”.

Nope. Nothing.


	82. Pets

“We should get a dog,” Jesse suggested while they were watching TV. Presumably because of the cute little puppy on the dog food commercial.

“Never had much luck with pets,” said Tulip, thinking of her beautiful Brewski and his untimely demise.

“Yeah, maybe we should start smaller than a dog,” said Cassidy. How about a goldfish?”

“Or a plant,” said Tulip. “Something easy to take care of, like a cactus.”

“You’re both missing the point,” said Jesse, getting irritated. “I’m talking about something … y’know, something to love. You can’t love a cactus.”

“I could love a cactus,” Cassidy insisted.


	83. Old

Cassidy had some really old friends. The oldest was a woman named Ida, who lived in a fancy nursing home in a small town in Louisiana. Once, Cassidy took Jesse and Tulip to meet her.

“So how did you meet these two sugarplums, hm?” she croaked.

“Jesse and I met in a bar, and Tulip threw me out the window of a whorehouse.”

She laughed, “It sounds like y’all are made for each other.”

As they were leaving, she leaned towards Cassidy and whispered “Time for you to get old, sweetheart. Now that you’ve got people to grow old with.”


	84. Aliens

Despite all the very adult fun they had together, some of their best times involved acting like overgrown kids.

Like that time they tried to get abducted by aliens.

Cassidy swore he’d seen a UFO above a local cornfield, so they went down there with a case of beer and tried to get abducted. They yelled at the sky, and offered the aliens free beer. Tulip even tried flashing her boobs.

Something that was probably a UFO (not a police helicopter) passed overhead and hovered briefly. As if the aliens considered abducting them, then decided they’d be too much trouble.


	85. Jesse Loves John Wayne

“Is it cowboys in general, or just him?” Cassidy gestured at John Wayne on the TV.

“What? It ain’t like that. He reminds me of my dad.”

“Wow, that’s kinky.”

“Shut up.”

“D’you want me to call you _Pilgrim_ in bed?”

“Cass, if you start doing John Wayne impressions during sex I will literally kick you out of bed.”

When Tulip joined them on the couch, Cassidy asked if she ever got jealous of John Wayne because Jesse obviously loved him more than either of them.

Jesse threatened to give Cassidy a spanking.

Tulip settled down to watch the show.


	86. John Wayne Gets an Eyeful

Cassidy wouldn’t shut about John Wayne, so Jesse (never one for idle threats) put him over his knee and spanked him. Then Tulip shook her head at Jesse and told him he was doing it wrong. By the time she’d finished showing Jesse how to properly discipline a misbehaving vampire, Cassidy was begging for it and Jesse and Tulip were happy to oblige.

They fucked on the couch and on the floor, and sort of halfway between the two. Tulip and Cassidy fell asleep afterwards, on a makeshift bed of cushions. Jesse stayed awake for a while, watching them sleep.


	87. Jesse Apologizes to John Wayne

Jesse could have stayed there a long time, just looking and loving them silently. But he was thirsty, and kinda hungry too, and he could love them just as well while eating a sandwich.

As he got up to go to the kitchen, he locked eyes with John Wayne, still on the TV screen.

“Sorry you had to see that,” he said, in his mind.

John Wayne wouldn’t approve. He’d call Jesse a degenerate, or worse. John Wayne was everything Jesse used to think a _real man _was. Not anymore, though.

“You know what, I’m not sorry. Not at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking a couple of weeks hiatus from this fic because, frankly, I have run out of ideas.
> 
> If you have ideas for prompts, please post them in the comments. For example, if there's a cute trope you want to see, or a minor character who deserves their own drabble, let me know!


	88. Invitation

Tulip opened the envelope and a shower of glitter fell out. She cursed under her breath at the unexpected mess, but smiled as she read the invitation.

Amy was finally marrying Lucinda. And the two of them knew how to throw a party, so this was going to be a big, boozy occasion.

Best of all, after the part that said “Dear Tulip O’Hare and guest”, Amy had handwritten an “s”, then added “Bring both your boys honey! You’re my maid of honor so you get a plus two instead of a plus one. Love you shitloads. See you soon!”


	89. Wedding

“Is it weird for you?” Jesse whispered to Cassidy, sat next to him on the pew. “I mean, when you were growing up back in the 1900s, could you have imagined … this?”

“Gay weddings? No. But there were a few marriages.”

“What?”

“These two fellas in my village shacked up together. They were too poor for getting married and raising kids, so nobody minded much. More women for the rest of the men.”

The bridal chorus began and the bridesmaids started walking down the aisle, led by Tulip. Jesse squeezed Cassidy’s hand and didn’t bother being discreet about it.


	90. Family

Lately, Cassidy found himself wondering what his family would think of Tulip and Jesse. His brother Billy would probably get on well with Jesse, and his ma – with her tendency to chase Da around the kitchen with a rolling pin when he came home drunk – would doubtless take a shine to Tulip.

The three of them almost felt like a family these days. Cassidy was thankful for it, but had no idea where to direct his thanks. Not God, for obvious reasons. And he didn’t really believe in fate. His ancestors, perhaps. Granny Bea had always been an excellent matchmaker.


	91. The Fair

The bat was enormous, with a wingspan of about five feet. It had felt fangs and beady plastic eyes, and Cassidy fell madly in love with it.

“That one,” he said. “I’m gonna win that one if it kills me.”

He aimed the air rifle at the target again and again, never quite hitting the bullseye. Finally, Tulip got sick of waiting and grabbed the rifle, hitting the bullseye on her first attempt.

Maybe she shouldn’t have done that. Because Cassidy insisted that Count Batula got to sleep at the end of the bed, and it was crowded enough already.


	92. Garlic

“No way. Not until you brush your teeth.”

“Cassidy, of all the things to be squeamish about-”

“What’s going on?” Jesse interrupted.

“I ate garlic bread and now Cass won’t kiss me.” Tulip turned away from Cassidy, pouting. “What kind of dumbass vampire cliché is that?”

“I love you Tulip, but I’m not going to risk instant death from your garlicky kisses.”

Behind Tulip’s back, Jesse raised an eyebrow at Cassidy. He’d seen him eat garlic bread by the pound.

“Tulip, our boy’s lying his skinny ass off.”

Tulip whipped around and kissed Cassidy hard enough to bruise his lips.


	93. Parents

Tulip sometimes wondered what kind of parents they’d be. She had no confidence in her ability to be a good mom, since her own mom had been a shitty one. Jesse had daddy issues ‘til Tuesday, and Cassidy had already managed to fuck up being a dad in spectacular fashion.

Tulip ran her fingertips over her still-flat stomach. Worrying was never her style. She figured that between the three of them, they had enough good parts to make one decent parent. As long as the boys didn’t freak out and run off when she told them, they’d be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot twist!


	94. The Secret

You weren’t supposed to tell anyone for the first three months. Except the father, of course. Or two potential fathers, because Tulip had no idea whether it was Jesse’s or Cassidy’s.

Still, she was reluctant to tell either of them until she was out of the danger zone. Jesse had been devastated when they lost the first one, and if Tulip was going to go through that shit again, she wasn’t bringing anyone with her.

She didn’t have any morning sickness, so it ought to have been easy to hide. But then Jesse, damn him, noticed she’d bought non-alcoholic beer.


	95. Non-Alcoholic Beer

“What’s this?” Jesse asked, holding up the case of non-alcoholic beer and looking faintly amused. “You on a health kick or something?”

Tulip hesitated for a split second, wondering if she should play it off as a mistake – something she’d picked up by accident instead of regular beer.

The split second was all it took for Cassidy to gasp, clap a hand over his mouth, and say “Are you pregnant?”

Two pairs of eyes on her. She lied smoothly under most situations, but not this one.

Things went a little crazy. There was some crying. And a lot of kissing.


	96. Bump

Tulip’s belly became their center of gravity. Everything revolved around their baby, and the need to build a decent future for it.

Jesse prepared for the baby’s arrival like it was the coming apocalypse – stockpiling formula, diapers, and all the baby clothes he could get his hands on.

Tulip quit smoking and drinking, and even started eating healthy. It was strange – people were always saying how addictive nicotine was, but she missed pancakes and Boo Berry much more than cigarettes.

Cassidy was as busy as any of them, but strangely quiet. Jesse started to wonder if he was planning something.


	97. The Deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next couple of drabbles contain a spoiler for the comics. I haven't watched Season 4 yet (forcing myself to wait until I've finished this fic) so I don't know if it's a spoiler for the show.

Cassidy knew himself and knew his limits. Burying Tulip and Jesse, after a lifetime of loving them, was at the bleeding edge of what he could stand. Burying the two of them, and then burying their child, was beyond the edge.

The smell of the church reminded him of Annville. Of drinking with Jesse and feeling those first sparks. Of angels and chainsaws and general madness. He made his way towards the alter, then sunk slowly to his knees and clasped his hands together.

“All right you old pervert,” he said. “I’ve assumed the position. Now let’s make a deal.”


	98. The Beach

He didn’t tell them right away. Instead, he went to the nearest beach. In the daytime.

Immediately, he stripped down to his shorts. If anyone looked at him, he didn’t notice. Too busy staring at his own pale limbs in the sunlight. White as chalk. White as all those weird, wriggling creatures that live in caves.

Then he swam in the sun-warmed ocean.

Then he lay on the sand and let the sun dry him.

His phone rang, and he fumbled for it in the pocket of his discarded jeans.

“Hey, Jess. You’ll never guess where I am right now.”


	99. Rosie

When Rosie entered the world, Cassidy had his first sunburn in many decades. He was pink and grinning and overwhelmed.

Jesse had a new scar on his arm (long story) and when Rosie opened her dark eyes and looked at him, he cried for the first time since he was a kid.

Tulip was mostly just exhausted. She held the baby to her breast and waited to feel that rush of love that parents go on about.

Hours later, she realized that the wave hadn’t hit her with any force, because she was already swimming in it. Love surrounded her.


	100. How I Met Your Mother (and Father)

Rosie clambered into Da’s lap and said “I want a story”.

“Well, you’ve come to the right place then,” said Da. “D’you want a real story or a pretend story?”

“A real one. Tell me … tell me how you met Mom and Dad!”

“That’s a long story. And most of it’s not appropriate for young ears.”

“Just _tell _me.”

“Okay, okay, I suppose I can tell you some things. Now, it all started back when I was working as a flight attendant...”

It was, Cassidy soon realised, a very strange story. But it was theirs, and it was great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It bugs the hell out of me that this fic isn't exactly 10,000 words. I swear each fic is 100 words in Microsoft Word!
> 
> I've been writing this for months, and it has been a blast! Thanks for reading, and extra thanks to anyone who left kudos or comments. I suspect the show doesn't end in such a fluffy, polyamorous way, but a girl can dream :)


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